Sunday, April 29, 2007

How to build a life you can be proud of

"Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15, 20 and 30 years?" - Joe

The topic of where I see myself in the future is an important one to me. I've always been somewhat of an ambitious person. Apparently I have a borderline type-A pesonality. We are the type of people who are chronic perfectionists and obsess over things, and try to put things in clearly labelled boxes.

Anyway, I digress - I've always had pretty high expectations of myself and had a pretty ambitious streak. I would be bored shitless not doing something where I was being mentally stimulated and even worse, if I don't I start to muck around and annoy everyone else. When I was in High School I decided I wanted to study Journalism, and that was my goal from there. Things seemed pretty set.

The last three years or so have changed my perspective on a number of things though. When I finished High School I decided to go on a youth exchange to live and learn about the culture there. To cut to the chase the trip was predominantly amazing with a few glitches at the end, but it was when I returned home that things got a little complicated.

Nevertheless I enrolled in my Arts degree at Uni and began to learn. I figured I'd get it back eventually. Something was missing though - I didn't have any mojo. There were books to be read, important ones, but they didn't want to be read. I took Media classes, stuck on the idea of becoming a Journalist still, and I gradually found that what I'd wanted all those years in High School was completely not up my alley.

I've fluffed around with my Arts degree for a couple of years now. Then eventually, when I finally got sick of people asking if I wanted to be a teacher, I finally I did the best thing I ever could.

I just packed my shit up and went home to my parents house for three months.

I had nothing there besides a big screen TV and a blockbuster membership to keep me occupied and I found myself scratching my head and really trying to figure out what was going on with my life. One day I just sat myself down with "Job Hunting for Dummies" and thought "right, that's it, I'm going to figure out what the hell I'm doing for once and for all".

I learned how to get myself motivated to look for a new job. I learned how to apply for those new jobs properly. I learned how to prepare for interviews. I thoroughly examined all of the things I wanted out of a career and found careers that matched those criteria rather than trying to adapt myself to whatever narrow opportunities came my way.

In short I actively began to search for what I wanted.

With this revelation came a whole new way of thinking. I realised that I didn't have to struggle with money anymore, that instead I could learn how to invest wisely and set myself up for life. I realised that my friends dropping off the face of the planet was their loss, and not mine. I realised that what I'd been missing for the last two years was a challenge and people interaction - I was lonely and bored because I was studying a degree that kept you in a corner reading books, and doing essays that essentially I could do in my sleep. All because I just wanted "a degree".

Furthermore, once I realised that categorising things in terms of importance, and putting everything into a neatly labelled box is what was slowing me down. If you spend a huge amount of your time putting things like "Journalism" in the "Future" box, you tend to forget that the boxes are breakable and the shelf they're sitting on doesn't come with a lifetime guarantee.

So what will I be doing in "in 5, 10, 15, 20 and 30 years?"

Whatever I freakin' want, and loving it! Hopefully working in marketing or running some sort of business that involves a lot of travel, regularly sharing laughter with my friends, canoodling with someone I think is awesome who thinks I am just as awesome, and constantly being challenged and thus made to look forward to the future.

Cheers,

Melissa

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Why guys are better than girls (not usually one to go down this road!)

This one goes out to Tim.

Who I've never met but who commented on my blog. "You should write about why guys are better than girls.. he he he.."

I generally consider myself to be a bit of a feminist. I drive my own car, I got my own bling, as the saying goes. That said there are a number of weaknesses to my sex that I'm just going to have to admit to and a number of strengths that men have that I envy.

First of all, men are pack animals. They have this mysterious ability to enter a room full of other men, strike up a conversation about cricket or football, and immediately assimilate into the collective culture of the room. I've got a few guy friends that you could drag to the funeral of a little old lady they never met that I barely knew myself and they'd still manage to escape the situation with a new golfing partner in tow. I haven't wandered out of any parties recently with a new shopping buddy booked for the Myer Winter sale (who weren't gay men). In fact many women if they don't know anyone there hide in a corner and criticise what they are wearing, and just pray for the event to end.

Second of all when men are upset they hide it so much better. They save face so much more easily thanks to their collective testosterone inciting anger (which reinforces the idea of gusto and manliness) rather than sorrow, and the social understanding that men just do not show emotions. They're not filled up with piles and piles of oestrogen that play havoc with their moods and turn them into fumbling sooks at the drop of a hat. In every performance they get first dibs on playing the strong role, the hero, the protector.

Thirdly men just have so much more physical strength than women and that's just plain handy. If you've ever been a single girl with no brothers and tried to move house by yourself you will understand what I mean by this.

Fourthly we're still living in a society where chauvinism still has a seat in the work place hierarchy, and men are still at the top of that food chain. I personally think although the feminine cause is great simple biology means there will never be a true equality. The men get to earn more money because they don't have childbirth interrupting the career flow, and while they do pay out for the wife and kids and other responsibilities, they get to spend any excess on themselves. Women who don't get the opportunity to earn their own money (usually because they conform to the idea of staying home woth the kids) don't get any excess for themslves, and if they do earn their own money via a career they encounter criticism (towards their choice to work over traditional ideas of maternity) and interruptions that make it more difficult for them.

Ultimately there is a choice women have to make about careers and children that men do not have to make by default. This means they will always have the slight upper hand in the general work environment.

Plus their surpreme ability to assimilate to any male group culture means they've got social networking down pat and get the good opportunities while chicks are in the corner wishing they were invisible. In research for this blog idea I stumbled upon this website - http://www.telluswhymensuck.com . A few favourites that various ladies submitted were:

"Because they are insecure...the future is for women. In about 300 years, they will be obsolete and kept alive in pods only for sperm/reproduction purposes. They are inherently useless and down deep are aware of this. This is why society strives so hard to control women-afraid of our inherent power. But don't worry girls, if not in our lifetime, we will nevertheless triumph in the end."

" Men are like dogs. They make a lot of noise. They demand a lot of attentioni. They'll suffer any humiliation for a piece of meat. They have no dignity.... and they stink!"

"Because I always get cheated on or treated like ass. So I just really think that men can go to hell. Every relationship i have ever had, sucked...well....maybe not all of them, because I remember in the first grade, my boyfriend did my homework for me. He was nice. His name was Brian Willing(go figure)."

Not sure I agree completely with these although I love the humour. There ARE nice guys out there and carrying on as though all men are evil is a little bit exaggerated. Still, there are some flaws I would invite my readers to consider:

- men don't put the toilet seat back down again and more often than not don't like to be told. Not just about the toilet seat. About ANYTHING.

- the pack mentality of the average male means they get white line fever and forget to smell the roses along the way

- many men don't like to talk about feelings and have those important conversations where meaning gets across. this is annoying because often meaning is misread, miscommunications ensue, and fights occur where no one knows why one is angry at the other

- the pack mentality of the male makes them really freaking annoying when they're in a room full of their mates.

Yet they feel so good when you cuddle them and any chick that tells you they don't like it when the guy takes on that protector hero role is a big fat liar.

Bottom line (and Sean, if you're reading this, thanks for this one): Men. "can't live with 'em... can't live without 'em "

What everyone ought to know about being single

Okay so recently I've done quite a bit of dating and I'm having a slow Saturday night tonight. I'm lacking for ideas as to what to write in my blog so I thought I'd be cliché'd and write about being single.

There are a lot of things that I hate about being single. I'm a really cuddly and affectionate person once I get to know someone enough and not having someone to cuddle sucks, especially when watching a movie. There are a few bizarre things about being in a relationship that I miss when I am single that wouldn't be the first things that spring to mind when the topic is mentioned – namely, you miss seeing your untidy crap mingle with their untidy crap, and you miss the cute funny things like how innocent they look when they sleep or how loudly they snore. Dinner for one on the couch is never exactly sinfully good fun when you think you could be out somewhere trying a restaurant you've never been to before, and not having someone to hear how your day was, whether good or bad, can really freaking suck when you live alone.

That said I really don't have that much to whinge about.

I could say that dinner for one on the couch sucks but I have plenty of family and friends to go out for dinner with. In fact half the time it's my own fault because I spent all my money and I'm broke until pay day. On the odd occasion when I find someone to go out on a date with, that's precisely what happens – I go out to a restaurant or have a good night out. The bonus is that I'm usually a pretty good judge of character so the company is rarely bad. In fact I'm yet to date anyone and not still talk to them regularly.

A lack of romance in everyday life can be a bit of a downer but I'm yet to meet a guy who really makes that a top priority anyway. Besides, dating and getting to know some new people can be romantic in a completely non-intimidating and chilled way, as opposed to someone who plays the guitar and serenades you of a night to the point where you feel you may have to get a restraining order (that is yet to happen to me, I'm just saying theoretically – it would be annoyingly flattering though).

I could throw not getting spoilt and pampered in the list. It would be a valid entry. I don't think there's a chick in the world that doesn't like being bought a present or being treated to a nice weekend away. That said, I value my independence. I like to earn my own money, pay for my own things, work my own jobs, and I plan to have my own career, and I like to think I'd go out with someone who'd support me in that rather than just hand everything on a plate. If it came down to a $2000 day at a pampering health spa or a candlelit romantic night at home for the cost of… well, whatever a packet of cheap candles costs, I'd pick the candles every time. It's more the company and reassurance that I'll be seeing someone worth looking forward to that I care about.

Being in a relationship has its perks of course. You've got someone who gets cross on your behalf when someone wanker in the pub spills beer down your chest, and as already mentioned, nothing beats a really great cuddle. It's also great to have someone to dress up or down for, but once again, you do that when you're single and want to feel attractive anyway. Hell, you do that just to feel GOOD about yourself!

I'd like to be in a relationship eventually. However it's important to recognise that in this transitional phase of your early 20's absolutely nothing is set in stone. People pick up and move at the drop of the hat these days. New careers are decided overnight. Relationships are difficult to maintain because you don't live at home anymore (which, if a drag for anything else, at least provides structure) and there's just so much on offer out there. People actually LIVE with each other when they're in a relationship now, and, quite scarily, they're starting to get old enough to have emotional baggage.

It's a big deal and not always easy to get into one, and even less easy to maintain. That's something I've always had trouble understanding I guess. I'm the kind of person that tends to think 'right, the scary part where we get together is over now, we got started here, it's all pretty simple from here on in" but it's not.

You can't skip all the foundation bits because you've got a good feeling about it. You've got to go with the flow, test things out, and make choices, hard ones. Probably the best thing about being single is not having to make those hard choices because you can just choose whatever suits you best by default.

Today I was talking to a couple of the (really nice) older ladies at my work, who asked what I was doing on the weekend. I told them it hadn't worked out with the last bloke I dated (I over reacted then drank all his wine), but another opportunity had cropped up recently and I was tempted to give that a go. Somewhere in the conversation it also got mentioned that I'd been out late dancing with friends the night before. They said (and this is something you don't hear from your friends in their 20's) "I remember doing that when I was 21! Boy I wish I could do all that now". It's funny, my lifestyle doesn't always feel appealing at all but you forget how great it is to be 21, independent, with spare time, no huge commitments and a bubbly desire to meet new people.

There will always be the things you miss, like one of you chucking a sickie so you can spend the day together, or staying up all night and talking, and being alone when the electricity cuts out is always going to be crap. Lets also face the fact that when your friends are in relationships and you keep ending up the third wheel you're never going to feel great about being single.

It ain't all bad though.