Okay so recently I've done quite a bit of dating and I'm having a slow Saturday night tonight. I'm lacking for ideas as to what to write in my blog so I thought I'd be cliché'd and write about being single.
There are a lot of things that I hate about being single. I'm a really cuddly and affectionate person once I get to know someone enough and not having someone to cuddle sucks, especially when watching a movie. There are a few bizarre things about being in a relationship that I miss when I am single that wouldn't be the first things that spring to mind when the topic is mentioned – namely, you miss seeing your untidy crap mingle with their untidy crap, and you miss the cute funny things like how innocent they look when they sleep or how loudly they snore. Dinner for one on the couch is never exactly sinfully good fun when you think you could be out somewhere trying a restaurant you've never been to before, and not having someone to hear how your day was, whether good or bad, can really freaking suck when you live alone.
That said I really don't have that much to whinge about.
I could say that dinner for one on the couch sucks but I have plenty of family and friends to go out for dinner with. In fact half the time it's my own fault because I spent all my money and I'm broke until pay day. On the odd occasion when I find someone to go out on a date with, that's precisely what happens – I go out to a restaurant or have a good night out. The bonus is that I'm usually a pretty good judge of character so the company is rarely bad. In fact I'm yet to date anyone and not still talk to them regularly.
A lack of romance in everyday life can be a bit of a downer but I'm yet to meet a guy who really makes that a top priority anyway. Besides, dating and getting to know some new people can be romantic in a completely non-intimidating and chilled way, as opposed to someone who plays the guitar and serenades you of a night to the point where you feel you may have to get a restraining order (that is yet to happen to me, I'm just saying theoretically – it would be annoyingly flattering though).
I could throw not getting spoilt and pampered in the list. It would be a valid entry. I don't think there's a chick in the world that doesn't like being bought a present or being treated to a nice weekend away. That said, I value my independence. I like to earn my own money, pay for my own things, work my own jobs, and I plan to have my own career, and I like to think I'd go out with someone who'd support me in that rather than just hand everything on a plate. If it came down to a $2000 day at a pampering health spa or a candlelit romantic night at home for the cost of… well, whatever a packet of cheap candles costs, I'd pick the candles every time. It's more the company and reassurance that I'll be seeing someone worth looking forward to that I care about.
Being in a relationship has its perks of course. You've got someone who gets cross on your behalf when someone wanker in the pub spills beer down your chest, and as already mentioned, nothing beats a really great cuddle. It's also great to have someone to dress up or down for, but once again, you do that when you're single and want to feel attractive anyway. Hell, you do that just to feel GOOD about yourself!
I'd like to be in a relationship eventually. However it's important to recognise that in this transitional phase of your early 20's absolutely nothing is set in stone. People pick up and move at the drop of the hat these days. New careers are decided overnight. Relationships are difficult to maintain because you don't live at home anymore (which, if a drag for anything else, at least provides structure) and there's just so much on offer out there. People actually LIVE with each other when they're in a relationship now, and, quite scarily, they're starting to get old enough to have emotional baggage.
It's a big deal and not always easy to get into one, and even less easy to maintain. That's something I've always had trouble understanding I guess. I'm the kind of person that tends to think 'right, the scary part where we get together is over now, we got started here, it's all pretty simple from here on in" but it's not.
You can't skip all the foundation bits because you've got a good feeling about it. You've got to go with the flow, test things out, and make choices, hard ones. Probably the best thing about being single is not having to make those hard choices because you can just choose whatever suits you best by default.
Today I was talking to a couple of the (really nice) older ladies at my work, who asked what I was doing on the weekend. I told them it hadn't worked out with the last bloke I dated (I over reacted then drank all his wine), but another opportunity had cropped up recently and I was tempted to give that a go. Somewhere in the conversation it also got mentioned that I'd been out late dancing with friends the night before. They said (and this is something you don't hear from your friends in their 20's) "I remember doing that when I was 21! Boy I wish I could do all that now". It's funny, my lifestyle doesn't always feel appealing at all but you forget how great it is to be 21, independent, with spare time, no huge commitments and a bubbly desire to meet new people.
There will always be the things you miss, like one of you chucking a sickie so you can spend the day together, or staying up all night and talking, and being alone when the electricity cuts out is always going to be crap. Lets also face the fact that when your friends are in relationships and you keep ending up the third wheel you're never going to feel great about being single.
It ain't all bad though.
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