The things men wished women knew!

How many of the following statements do you agree/disagree with, or can respond to?

bwahahahahahaha.... although... this is all tongue in cheek... naturally...

Things Men Wish Women Knew

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

I know I'm not fat, but I like to be reassured =)

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

I am not putting my hands on a dirty toilet seat when you can put it down after you pee and THEN wash your hands.

3 . Don't cut your hair. Ever.

Fine. I like my hair long. Cut your hair always. Long hair on guys went out ages ago.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!

Think of it more a quest to see if you can do better than socks, or one of those "stop move away!" cookie jars. Think perfume, flowers, chocolate, and whatever has cropped up in conversation at odd and yet strangely concidental times.

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

There are some questions you need the answer to do - you may not want to know why guys leave their jocks sunny side up on the bathroom floor, but the answer can sure help you stop them doing it!

6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sometimes he's never thinking about me. It hurts.

7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

Don't complain about me talking too much unless you want me to run you over with a monster truck =)

8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

I'll keep the cat and keep your wallet. You and your ultimatums on the other hand are negotiable.

9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

Dogs are better than cats, but making a big deal about it just shows what a petty baby you are.

10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

If Sunday equals sports, then ever major social event involving your family (especially your mother), birthdays, weddings in which you are the best man, anniversary bashes and especially funerals, will all involve me hogging the bathroom and ensuring we get there an hour late. It's like the full moon or the tides. Let it be.

11. Shopping is not sport.

It's a lifestyle.

12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

I know. It's nice to see you're finally paying attention.

13. You have enough clothes.

There are never enough clothes.

14. You have too many shoes.

They're worth more to me than your snide comments.

15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

Crying = feelings. They are like the full moon and the tides. Just let it be.

16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.

I don't have a brother, my ex-boyfriend IS an idiot, and you're a mummy's boy.

17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

Give us what we want. Don't pretend you don't know what it is when you do.

18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

Teach him how to write first.

19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

There is however, nothing to stop you from "sparing a square" and saving others from having to clean up after you. Your inadequacies at aiming don't HAVE to mean poor bathroom etiquette.

20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

BECAUSE ALL THREE PAIRS ARE BLACK AND GO WITH ANYTHING YOU MORON.

21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

"Yes I will pay for everything for the rest of our lives and not gamble everything on the crack black market" is an acceptable answer.

"No I will not admit paternity to that baby" is not.

22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

After seeing you naked I think I'll need a psychologist more than anything.

23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

Your Mom doesn't have to be so interfering.

24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

If I can't have my movies, you can't have yours. Delete the porn off your hard drive.

25. Check your oil.

Check your face. Oh. It's always like that.

26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

Don't drive me to a nervous breakdown because it takes you 20 years to figure out what the dirty laundry basket is for.

27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

Don't pressure us to experience "it". That makes it so much harder to have "it". The pressure makes us feel like mouldy cheese.

28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

You'd only spell everything wrong anyway.

29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

Same goes with my agreements to get pay tv, broaband internet, the new Audi, and my tubes tied. Oh and you're the almight breadwinner, so you pay all the cancellation costs =)

30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you don't want to be warm, sensitive and romantic towards US in all our glory, we certainly won't be that way toward your genitalia. Ever.

31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

No. You didn't. You're just saying that to cover your ass.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how
pretty you are?

BY LOOKING AT ME YOU DUMBASS.

33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

Don't poke me in the back in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping and rub me on the stomach in a half ass attempt to get me in the mood.

34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both.

Or you could use your initiative and do it the most sensible and logical way THE FIRST TIME.

35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Whenever possible, please understand that in a week you will have forgotten who won that game but I'll still be mad at you. And you'll be complaining that you don't know what you've done wrong because you were staring like a ZOMBIE at the screen while I was telling you what was wrong.

36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

Christopher Columbus set sail in the face of all laughter at his dreams and ideas. His was to discover if the world was flat or not - you dream of owning the same four wheel drive our neighbour has. There's a subtle difference here. Oh, you don't know subtlety that's right. You're no all-knowing visionary. Gimme the damn map.

37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

Well start wandering around with your bits and pieces hanging out and we'll see how much you enjoy the nastier comments!

38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

Consider upping my pre-nup.

39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.

Telling us that we should be more like Tara Reid with her gross botched boob job and disgusting personality is insulting, and you wouldn't like it if we invited man-power Australia to perform in our living room and sat around lamenting how much we wished you looked like their leader.

40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

The relationship is now boring and if you don't do something about it soon, I won't dump you - I just won't be in the mood for the next ten years.

41. Anyone can buy condoms.

You should always have them on hand just in case - for your benefit, not so much mine!