5 questions to me

This week's (am I doing this as a weekly thing??!) blog post comes from fellow blogger John Iveson, whose blog can be read at http:://www.wapentake.blogspot.com . He's a pretty cool and switched on dude, most certainly not native to Canada, and he asked me five questions. If you want me to ask YOU five questions, leave the URL to your blog and the text "interview me" in the comments section.

1. How do you think the world sees ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Australia? And how accurate is that?

I have experienced a wide variation of how the world views Australia, most of it really positive. We have a very rich family lifestyle, often filled with beaches, swimming, barbecues, holidays and picnics, which is not something that I would ever argue with.

Currently in Australia we have the highest unemployment rate we've ever had, so most people are in a good (or at least average) position, and really, with our (annoying - I've bitched about Centrelink in this blog before) social welfare system in place it's generally found that people who are poor or completely homeless are so by hopelessness or choice (although I've experienced better - Denmark has one of the best social welfare systems in the world).

I found that the majority of foreigners when talking about Australia focussed on this beach lifestyle as the centrepoint, which I think is pretty accurate. We swim a lot, a lot of people who live near the beach surf, yes there ARE sharks in the water, and we love a good barbecue.

The conversation would generally then get a little hairier after that, with questions of kangaroos as pets, where abouts my farm was located, don't I get thirsty living in the desert (what happened to the beaches??!), and some really outdated ideas on how aboriginal people must live coming to the forefront.

While I think it's great that they know the Australian beach lifestyle is the only one (which I think is something the media would have foreigners think in order to boost tourism), I find it amusing that the idea of a suburban Australian lifestyle to a lot of foreigners in incomprehensible.

The majority of Australians live in a country town or suburban community (thanks primarily to the leadership of Prime Minister Robert Menzies in the 1950's who built a suburban dream to combat the threats of communism). They go to school (on a bus not in a kangaroo's pouch), they vote for their leaders, they live in houses (one girl in Denmark thought I lived in a tent and that I didn't know what a bus stop or a stand up comedian was). The young people, my age, are the same everywhere. There are language differences, and slight cultural differences, but at the end of the day all of them just want to complete their schooling and take the world on in the best way they know how.

It's funny though, we do the same thing to other nations. Canadians go to school on polar bears, Africans go to school in a jeep waving hello to the tigers and the monkeys. Apparently. Then you meet them en masse, like I did when I travelled, and you realise they really are just like you (maybe a little bit kinkier).

I can only put down such conceptions to a couple of things - the media plugging the assets of a nation for everything its worth until they become the only things foreigners associate with it, and the fact that, when thinking about a country's lifestyle, no one ever really sits down and thinks about it from a logical point of view.

2. What are the best places to live in Australia if you are: a child, a student, working and have no kids, raising young kids, working when kids are older, retired?

Okay... It has to be said here that I grew up in a country town and have only ever lived in Adelaide besides my stint overseas and aforementioned country town. I've been to Melbourne a few times and Sydney once and that is about the extend of my Australian travel. So don't quote me on any of this.

A child - I found growing up in a coastal country town worked a treat. It was very cost efficient and you grew up in a very familiar, close knit community. When you went away for the summer holidays you went to the same place the parents of the other kids went to, so you had consolidated friendships, and a lot of safety and security. The only thing I really regret about growing up there was that I didn't get to experience much of the outside world at a young age so a few things came as a shock when I got older.

If you're a student I actually do think Adelaide is the way to go. It's not so small that you know everyone you walk past at the local supermarket (and you accidentally date your cousin) but it's small enough for you to keep contact with people and have a good group of friends nearby that you can rely on. The university's are very well respected, it's not a particularly expensive place to live, it's not particularly well known for it but it is actually quite a beautiful place, and there's always something happening in the student life.

Working and have no kids - Melbourne is probably the place. It's got a lot of tradition and finery associated with it, and it has a very strong business sector. If you want to experience culture and high class society while you're working with no children, Melbourne is probably the place to be, with its very strong culture of cafes and restaurants. Unfortunately it IS located in Victoria, and people from Victoria DO tend to be wankers towards South Australians like me. So I'm going to pull the plug on plugging Melbourne right now. (Although I nearly went a few months ago when their comedy festival was on - the headline acts alone make me recommend it even though I'm yet to go).

If you're raising young kids and want to have a city lifestyle I'd suggest Sydney. It's the oldest city we've got and my experience of it (ten days about five years ago, plus a lot of press coverage on tv) is that it is genuinely a city for everyone. It's got fun family activities (we really enjoyed boating around the harbour etc on our holiday), it's got good schools, it's got good job opportunities when your children get older. The only thing I can see a problem with is the issue of real estate (it's pricey of course, depending on where you live), and it depends on whether you want to raise your kids in the place that probably has the most crime per capita in Australia (don't quote me on that either). If the city thing isn't your thing there's always somewhere on the central coast, within a stone throw of the city if you should ever want to go there.

In my family if you want to retire, you go to Victor Harbour. My Uncle used to joke about it, calling it "God's waiting room". Then his nagged him into buying some property there, and well, I guess now he's in the waiting room.

3. If someone says "I have no regrets", how, if at all, does this change your view of the person?

Hrm, I'm not really sure how to answer that question. I've got a few regrets already! Although I enjoyed my time overseas I think my timing was bad and that I shouldn't have gone when I was so young, especially not when I was fresh out of a very sheltered lifestyle in a tight nit community. I also regret that I fucked around a bit at my first year of uni and now I'm paying the price because everyone else is graduating soon, if they haven't already, and I was already a year behind because of my travels.

However, I look back on these things as life experiences, lessons I wouldn't have been able to learn any other way. I daresay if I hadn't gone overseas I wouldn't be anywhere near as cautious or analytical of my (or any) environments, because my eyes wouldn't have been opened up to what the world is capable of (I mean that in the sense of seeing poverty like poor children begging in the streets, concentration camps, etc). I wouldn't have been as insightful I guess. So I guess if you look at it in this way I don't really have any regrets at all.

That said, whenever someone tends to say to me "I have no regrets", I'll admit I'm a little skeptical. When I think of the poem "The road less travelled" where taking that less travelled road "has made all the difference", I tend to think of that "difference" as a positive thing, no matter the outcome. I am the black sheep in a lot of cliques, because I'm not a sheep at all (I'm probably a donkey!)

I'll admit I have a tendency to think the reason someone has no regrets is because they've taken the road most travelled. Having no regrets at all within the vast expanse of opportunities we as human beings are faced with during our lifetimes suggests to me a lack of drive to do something different from the norm. I guess this is just something I value.

That said, someone who says "I have no regrets" obviously has a very positive outlook and values each of their experiences individually in some way, which is something I try to do myself. A positive outlook is something I also value.

4. What would your friends name as your best (and if you're feeling brave), your worst characteristics?
BEST:

loyal - i'm the first to stick up for anybody and the first to tell them when i think they're wrong. usually.

friendly - i like people in general, and as long as they're responsive to meeting someone new, i generally get along well with most people i meet. even if we're quite different as people.

always ready to talk about anything. i've got a pretty opinionated, probably seemingly black and white exterior, so some people get a shock when one day they're having a bad day and i actually empathise, and even more shockingly, respond to their problem

generous with the hugs (i love hugs. i don't get enough hugs. will you hug me?)

funny (sometimes, and usually inadvertantly. You may have noticed from a few blogs that I've got a very colourful way of describing even the most mundane things - I do that in real conversation too and people often find it amusing. Scarily half the time I'm not joking).

forthright

honest - I don't steal, I don't lie (my facial expressions just give it away anyway), I always at least try to do the best by people, i admit my faults (maybe not always outloud in front of other people, but at least to myself), and in a team i'm quite likely to be the most reliable person on the team.

look for the best in people (this has proven to be a big mistake on a few occassions but I still try to do it, you can't write the whole tree off just because of a few bad apples)

genuine

pour my heart and soul into whatever i put my mind to (people, ideas, missions, myspace... oh god I'm a geek...)

well intentioned

intuitive - i read people pretty well.

WORST

can be insulting in an attempt to be funny (i've called a few people "geeks" or "nerds" a few too many times for even my own liking - sorry guys)

don't always listen to things i need to hear - "Mel, you should read this book, it's called 'HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU'".

a bit of a conversation control freak (actually a bit of an everything control freak) - if i'm in a group i delegate tasks. If there's a debate happening I've always got my ten cents thrown in there. If other people aren't towing the line in some way it really grinds on my nerves.

i'm ambitious and ridiculously impatient and want all good things i want to come to me NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW and get annoyed when it doesnt happen (my degree being one of them)

i don't manage my money very well so whenever people ask me to do things i'm always broke

i'm really loud, sometimes unbareably so, and some of the opinions that come spouting out of my mouth, not even I believe in ("Mel can you turn the volume down a bit...?")

i have an obsessive streak which means i pour everything i've got into it and then one day just get bored and move onto something else (this year alone I've been through an art phase, a family history phase, a gym phase, now i'm in the myspace phase, next i can see myself in a cooking phase... mmm...)

i'm lazy and a chronic procstinator and it sometimes drives people nuts - not because it affects them in some way but because it's frustrating for them to see someone who's more than capable to do the work just plain NOT doing the work and suffering for it (i'm getting over that now though)

i'm really not the most sensitive person in the world, if something frustrates me i find it difficult to hide it/not to say something (although weirdly there are some people i just can't say anything to)

i actually have no fashion sense. despite all the talk of shoes and shopping in this blog, i still arrive to pick my sister up in the morning looking like i got dressed in the dark. it's been known to cause epileptic fits. believe me it's a bad trait.

if someone uses a commanding or superior tone in conversation it pushes all the wrong buttons and I find myself arguing with them when i don't even care about the essence of the conversation - the other day at work it was about whether or not this celebrity babies kid's father was in its life, just because the girl i was talking to implied i was a bit silly for thinking it was (i mean WHO CARES?!?!?!)

finally, when it comes to guys i feel i know them pretty well (i really do have a good sense of character judgement though, ask anyone who knows me, i'm pretty clued in on people) and so i want to jump the gun a bit in the relationship when they still feel like they don't know me all that well - that's when the my issues with impatience come into play


5. Are there any songs that you associate with turning points in your life? Which and why?

There is an entire soundtrack to my life. I seriously can't think of any of them right now except for Leaving on a Jet Plane by Bjork and Jewel, for obvious reasons. There are a few songs that make me go mushy inside though:
Alanis Morrisette's "Everything"
The Goo Goo Dolls - "Slide" "Irish" "Black Balloon" "Name"
Rob Thomas "Little wonders"
Disneyland After Dark (DAD) - nineteenhundredandyesterday

Plus about a million others, most of them too daggy to mention here!!! I actually listen to a lot of dance stuff these days so nothing too up to date and with meaning has entered my personal sphere recently.

Well, hope that answers your questions John!

PS. everyone (anyone?) reading this, I'm happy to do this "submit five questions" thing again, I thought it was pretty fun!

What everyone ought to know about being single

Okay so recently I've done quite a bit of dating and I'm having a slow Saturday night tonight. I'm lacking for ideas as to what to write in my blog so I thought I'd be cliché'd and write about being single.

There are a lot of things that I hate about being single. I'm a really cuddly and affectionate person once I get to know someone enough and not having someone to cuddle sucks, especially when watching a movie. There are a few bizarre things about being in a relationship that I miss when I am single that wouldn't be the first things that spring to mind when the topic is mentioned – namely, you miss seeing your untidy crap mingle with their untidy crap, and you miss the cute funny things like how innocent they look when they sleep or how loudly they snore. Dinner for one on the couch is never exactly sinfully good fun when you think you could be out somewhere trying a restaurant you've never been to before, and not having someone to hear how your day was, whether good or bad, can really freaking suck when you live alone.

That said I really don't have that much to whinge about.

I could say that dinner for one on the couch sucks but I have plenty of family and friends to go out for dinner with. In fact half the time it's my own fault because I spent all my money and I'm broke until pay day. On the odd occasion when I find someone to go out on a date with, that's precisely what happens – I go out to a restaurant or have a good night out. The bonus is that I'm usually a pretty good judge of character so the company is rarely bad. In fact I'm yet to date anyone and not still talk to them regularly.

A lack of romance in everyday life can be a bit of a downer but I'm yet to meet a guy who really makes that a top priority anyway. Besides, dating and getting to know some new people can be romantic in a completely non-intimidating and chilled way, as opposed to someone who plays the guitar and serenades you of a night to the point where you feel you may have to get a restraining order (that is yet to happen to me, I'm just saying theoretically – it would be annoyingly flattering though).

I could throw not getting spoilt and pampered in the list. It would be a valid entry. I don't think there's a chick in the world that doesn't like being bought a present or being treated to a nice weekend away. That said, I value my independence. I like to earn my own money, pay for my own things, work my own jobs, and I plan to have my own career, and I like to think I'd go out with someone who'd support me in that rather than just hand everything on a plate. If it came down to a $2000 day at a pampering health spa or a candlelit romantic night at home for the cost of… well, whatever a packet of cheap candles costs, I'd pick the candles every time. It's more the company and reassurance that I'll be seeing someone worth looking forward to that I care about.

Being in a relationship has its perks of course. You've got someone who gets cross on your behalf when someone wanker in the pub spills beer down your chest, and as already mentioned, nothing beats a really great cuddle. It's also great to have someone to dress up or down for, but once again, you do that when you're single and want to feel attractive anyway. Hell, you do that just to feel GOOD about yourself!

I'd like to be in a relationship eventually. However it's important to recognise that in this transitional phase of your early 20's absolutely nothing is set in stone. People pick up and move at the drop of the hat these days. New careers are decided overnight. Relationships are difficult to maintain because you don't live at home anymore (which, if a drag for anything else, at least provides structure) and there's just so much on offer out there. People actually LIVE with each other when they're in a relationship now, and, quite scarily, they're starting to get old enough to have emotional baggage.

It's a big deal and not always easy to get into one, and even less easy to maintain. That's something I've always had trouble understanding I guess. I'm the kind of person that tends to think 'right, the scary part where we get together is over now, we got started here, it's all pretty simple from here on in" but it's not.

You can't skip all the foundation bits because you've got a good feeling about it. You've got to go with the flow, test things out, and make choices, hard ones. Probably the best thing about being single is not having to make those hard choices because you can just choose whatever suits you best by default.

Today I was talking to a couple of the (really nice) older ladies at my work, who asked what I was doing on the weekend. I told them it hadn't worked out with the last bloke I dated (I over reacted then drank all his wine), but another opportunity had cropped up recently and I was tempted to give that a go. Somewhere in the conversation it also got mentioned that I'd been out late dancing with friends the night before. They said (and this is something you don't hear from your friends in their 20's) "I remember doing that when I was 21! Boy I wish I could do all that now". It's funny, my lifestyle doesn't always feel appealing at all but you forget how great it is to be 21, independent, with spare time, no huge commitments and a bubbly desire to meet new people.

There will always be the things you miss, like one of you chucking a sickie so you can spend the day together, or staying up all night and talking, and being alone when the electricity cuts out is always going to be crap. Lets also face the fact that when your friends are in relationships and you keep ending up the third wheel you're never going to feel great about being single.

It ain't all bad though.