To those of you who have been strongly hinting...

that I should write another blog entry. It has been quite a while (for me at least).

I'm sorry. I've been really busy lately. They cut off my phone and I had to pay lots of money to reconnect it. Then there was work. Lots of work. Then there was Uni. Lots of uni. Throw in lots of KFC, mother's day, a lack of footwear besides thongs (flip flops), and a complete and utter lack of ideas as to what on earth to write about, it seems I have a million excuses.

Yet still, I am sorry.

I still can't think of any issues to blog about, so I'll just tell you some amusing incidences that happened to me recently. Here they are.

1. At the place where I work, we have to talk on the phone on these little semi-cubicle things. They're about a meter and a half high, and separate you from the next person over making their phone calls to unresponsive members of the Australian non-radio listening community. I sat next to MARK TRENWITH (who has commented on this blog). He has this creepy habit of peering over the top of the wall to see how many people I've got left in the quota I'm working on. Unfortunately for Mark I seem to have a bit of a stalker complex and when I looked up to find him doing it yesterday I SCREAMED SO LOUDLY IT SHOOK THE WALLS. It was truly earth shattering, and very embarrassing. It did lead to a lot of laughs however.

2. Last week there was a big event on in Adelaide sponsored by one of the local adult entertainment clubs. The event was called Sexpo. It was a big event with things like dildos, porn, naked ladies, condoms and all sorts of sex related things on display. No I didn't go. (I was actually going to, I thought it would be interesting to write about Melissa's adventures at Sexpo but unfortunately I was too broke to afford the student concession entrance fee of $12. Go figure). The morning after Sexpo finished, I decided it was high time I took out the garbage. I took the garbage out. To the big green bin. Outside my block of flats.

It was there that I found a brand new copy of "Chicks with Dicks" propped up neatly on the lid of my big green bin, as if it had been waiting for me there all night. The cover looked innocent enough, it was just a chick in a red bathing suit. Then I noticed she was standing BEHIND the bent over dude.

Fucking Sexpo.

3. Last Saturday night I went for a night out at the casino for the first time in my life. I've been to the casino before but usually I just wander in at four am and laugh at all the pokie addicts, usually with a pretty massive hint of drunken leer. Over the course of the night I:

- drunkenly signed up for a casino discount/points card. The guy who served me was named James. He thought I had nice curly hair (he presumably said so because I said something along the lines of "James don't you reckon I have nice curly hair?") and that I was very nice and not that annoying for a drunken idiot. He assured me that I would win the air guitar competition upstairs and that all was not lost just because I wasn't sure how to best approach "Achey breaky heart". (If you think I'm random in my blog entries you really should meet me when I'm drunk).

- watched part of an air guitar competition. I think I actually lost brain cells for having anything to do with it but watching some of the people involved land on their heads trying to do a stage flip was quite funny.

- Got hit on by some weird eastern european dudes who looked like they could break my arm with their little finger. "Come now! You dance!" They thought my dancing style was strange because I was just walking up and down the edge of the dancefloor, peering at my shoes. I was actually looking for my friends jacket but managed to shrug it off as a quirky element of Australian dance club culture.

- Got DRAGGED onto the dance floor by this part legendary and part seedy drunken little old man. No joke, the guy was about 80, but he had a grip (around my wrist, dragging me onto the dancefloor) that would be the envy of Arnold Schwarzeneggar. He later danced with a woman in a red dress with far too much make up on. Little did he know he paid for it.

- Got POKED (as in literally poked, with the index finger) of some weird drunk guy walking past me when I was sitting by a slot machine. Weirded out a little but deciding to let it go, I ignored him. He walked past again about ten minutes later going "HOTTTTTTTTTTTtttttttttt!!!!!!! HOttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". He was creepy and weird.

- I think think I got cracked onto by a chick. I was just sitting down with a friend and this girl kept asking if I wanted to go to another pub with her and her friend. I said no. Then when she asked me again a few times so I said "yes, I'll meet you there". I didn't.

4. This morning I realised my passport was in the Barossa Valley, which is about an hour away. My parents have a place there. I needed it to fill in this application I'm doing, for the police check, so I thought I'd go for a drive there to get my passport. Within ten minutes that plan fell through because my Mum for some weird reason (I rang her because it was Mother's Day) kidnapped all my personal belongings that were in that house and taken it to their permanent residence in Whyalla where of course, they are much harder to get hold of and impossible to use on short notice. So I decided to go to Marion. I wanted to buy a new jacket, because it's winter and I don't like the one I got last year anymore. I decided I'd go to Marion shopping centre because I'm sick of always going to the city. I filled up my car with petrol, bought some groceries and, in a bit of a daydream thinking about my new jacket, I was halfway down Anzac Highway when I realised I had no freaking clue how to get to Marion from there (I'm from Whyalla and don't really know my way around Adelaide all that well still, so if I go a different way than usual to get somewhere I inevitably end up getting stuck). In the end I drove down various main roads for about half an hour in a half assed attempt to figure out how to find it and then just cut my losses and came back to the city and went home.

I really need to start thinking shit out before I get in the car and start driving.

That's about it really.

Cheers,

Melissa